NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
I will not train the French football team again
Or make interviews about it.
I will not humiliated myself on TV again
Nor find some silly excuses to escape my errors.
I shall remember the next match of the French team to see how they play
And how they‘re progressing with Laurent Blanc ‘s training.
I‘ll not accept my extra payment for the World Cup (Ugh ! Dirty money!)
Nor be hated by the French people once more.
I will not be cheeky with French supporters ( if I can help it).
I shall never be abused by Nicolas Anelka again.
I will become more patient with my players
And never criticize them even if they lose.
I shall shake hands with the coach of the South African team
And become the biggest poker player in the world.
I shall help young footballers to practice this sport (even if they don’t want me to).
And when they play badly, I ‘ll stay cool.
I will not take drugs
Or get too drunk at a party
I will not drink in front of my kids
Nor smoke with them near me
I shall remember when it’s Christmas day
And give my children loads of presents
I’ll not eat another Indian meal (ugh! Gives me wind!)
Nor try getting reductions on clothes and wigs just because I’m famous
I will not divorce after 2 days of marriage again (if I can help it)
I shall only kiss men
I will say sorry to my dad (even when I don’t mean it)
And never swear at paparazzi’s
I shall do all my concerts sober
And help my children at school
I shall help my family to earn money (even if they don’t want me to)
And when I go to the hairdressers, I’ll not shave all my hair again.
I will not sing with a Chipmunk voice again.
Or sing either
I will not choose a mole costume to do my clips again
Nor ask my five- year- old boy to write lyrics.
I shall remember not to sell a song composed of all the precedent characteristics
And seriously think about changing the mole’s name.
I will not be drunk with a microphone and a computer (Ugh, how can I delete this video?)
I will not do my own choreography (but I can’t help it)
I shall go back in my burrow and never put a foot outside
I will say my song was really bad (Even if I don’t mean it)
And never think about doing another one
Never put a foot in a music studio
I shall apologize and give €4.5 to everybody who bought my song
And when others forget me, never try to start a singer career again.
I will not comb my hair as in the sixties
Or tattoo every part of my body.
I will not make up my eyes like a panda
Nor mix alcohol and medicine.
I shall remember where I am when I get up
And if I'm in a man's home or the hospital.
I'll not be late in the recording studio
Nor cancel concerts because of judicial affairs.
I will not overdose (if I can help it).
I shall go to rehab if I need to.
I will say nice things to the recording studio's technicians from time to time (even if I don't mean it)
And never hit my husband
I shall stop collecting them again in jail.
Oh dear, I don't want to go back to school.
I shall help unknown rebel singers (even if they don't want me to)
And when my head is spinning, I'll just eat.
I will not wear my horrible hats anymore
Or wear only black and whites clothes
I will not criticize the first French channel
Nor sing when I’m in public
I shall remember all the names of the new people I meet
And be smiling, nice and polite all the time
I’ll not be rude with the Miss (Ugh! Bad Girl!)
Nor be impatient with them.
I will not eat too much cake (if I can help it)
I shall be careful of my weight this year!
I will sign autographs to my fans more often (even when I don’t mean it)
And never refuse to take photos with them.
I shall give more money to charitable foundations.
If I want my grandchildren to graduate at school,
I shall help them in their homework (even if they don’t want me to)
And when I meet difficulties in my life I will never give up.
I will not steal a boat
or anything else.
I will not be crazy anymore,
Nor throw someone into the sea.
I shall remember to shoot Pirates of the Carribean 4
And be a great character.
I’ll not say bad things about others (Ugh! those ugly faces),
Nor do a big mess in a tavern.
I will not get in trouble anymore (if I can help it).
I shall stop drinking rum at all times.
I will be a good pirate (even when I don’t want to),
And never escape from jail again.
I shall found a huge treasure.
I will not be rude with my crew
I shall help every pirate (even if they don’t want me to),
And when the Black Pearl is broken, I’ll try to repair it.
I will not sing in play-back during this new year
Or have only young girls like fans
I will not sing with a girl's voice anymore.
Nor think that I'm an intelligent person
I shall learn my geography lessons
And stop thinking that I'm the most beautiful boy on earth
I'll not believe that I'm a superstar ! (Ugh ! I forgot Usher!)
Nor dress myself like a bad boy
I'll not put a cap on my head everyday
I shall remember when I was a simple boy in my highschool
I will say to my fans that I love them (Even if I don't mean it)
And never take narcotics or drugs as my elder did before
I shall help Eminem and Lenny Kravitz sing (even if they don't want me to)
And when girls tell me that they love me I'll say nothing because I'll stay single all my life long ...
I will not live in a cold country any more
Or be present at school before the Christmas holiday
I will not clean my reindeer (Ugh! That smell!)
Nor wear the same red clothes all the time
I shall remember the days when I used to work at night
And have many suits in different colours
I'll not pass by the fireplace but through the door
Nor let my beard grow
I will not travel on a sleigh because
I shall buy a car
I will be a good person again this year so if I can help you to be a good person I will
And never use my sleigh again (even if I'd be tempted to)
I shall take time to help my wonderful imps
I shall help all the children of the world
And when I come back in my house, I'll not stay sitting on my sofa
I will say «How cute!» when I see a little girl or boy (even when I don't mean it)
I will not wear a meat dress anymore
Or put cans as hair curlers in my hairs
I will not put my highest heels when I’m drunk
Nor sing if I didn’t sleep enough
I shall remember the date of my concerts
And apologize to my fans if I miss one
I’ll not take drugs anymore
Nor smoke cigarettes again
I will not start a new diet (Ugh ! awesome brocolis !)
I shall give more money to protect animals
I will give autographs to each person who asks me
And never show my face without make-up to paparazzis
I shall stop telling lies in my interviews (If I can help it)
Do the best to be awake on stage
I shall help volunteers give food to the Poor (even if they don’t want me to)
And when I receive abuse letters, I’ll stay cool and forget it
I’ll not wear an armband with a swastika on again
Or a Nazi uniform
I’ll not spend all I have on parties
Nor on buying drinks
I shall remember my brother’s wedding with Kate
And won’t be drunk that day
I’ll not criticize English food (Ugh! marmite)
I will not drop Lesotho (if I can help it).
I shall stop creating controversies
I will not pronounce racial slurs (if I can help it)
And never forget my mother
I shall stop messing up with Chealsey
I’ll be a serious prince - not like at school
I shall help the poor and the sick in poor countries (even if they don’t want me to)
And when I’m jealous of my brother, I’ll stay cool.
I will not eat that many donuts,
Or drink a lot of beer any more.
I will not watch stupid programs on TV,
Nor stay a long time on the couch, as usual.
I shall remember my spider pig’s lunch,
And that of my children too.
I’ll not fart in bed (“Ugh!” Poor Marge)
Nor belch in her face.
I will not let my body dirty during long months if I can help it,
I shall take at least one shower per week.
I will be polite and kind (even when I don’t mean it),
And never say bad words anymore.
I shall treat my son better,
Drive him more often, if necessary, to school.
I shall help my children do their homework (even if they don’t want me to).
And when I want to say something, I’ll think before to talk.
I will not throw Oddie out the window one more
Or catch his tail when Jon leaves
I will not eat more than twenty pizzas at a go
Nor get up after 2 o'clock in the afternoon
I shall remember Jon's birthday
And won't watch TV all the day
I'll not eat Oddie's food (Ugh)
Nor be rude to Jon when my breakfast isn't ready
I will not watch TV after ten o'clock (if I can't help it)
I shall tidy up my bedroom at least once a year
I will be polite with the vet (even when I don't mean it)
And never scratch him again
I shall be kind with Nermall the cat
Try to watch more intelligent broadcasts to learn a lot of things like at school
I shall help Vito to make his pizzas (even if he doesn't want to)
And when Jon cooks lasagna I'll help him...taste !!!
I will not play childish games with Patrick
Or chase jellyfish anymore
I will not go out of the sea
Nor argue with Carlos when we have to work
I shall remember to feed my snail
And give Patrick his birthday present
I’ll not do bad crab burgers (“Ugh!” poor costumers)
Nor get too depressed when my spatula is broken
I will not be cheeky with my neighbour (if I can help it)
I shall write to my parents once a month
I will clean my giant pineapple
and never lose versus Sandy at karate
I shall stop Plankton when he tries to have the crab burgers recipe
Try to learn how to drive well to school
I shall help my buddies to do the housework (even if they don’t want me to)
And when Carlos plays music, I’ll stay calm
I will not change of women as of shirts
Or divorce again
I will not wear Optic 2000 glasses this year
Not light the fire everywhere I go
I shall remember that I’ve been operated on because my back hurts
And so I’ll devote all my attention to my backache
I’ll not moan at my darling’s cooking (Ugh ! Caviar again)
Nor leave her looking after children.
I’ll not buy more new cars, motorbikes and even houses (If I can help it)
I shall enjoy myself after my long career,
I will visit my relatives (even if they don’t want me to), and think of the childhood I lived at my aunt’s,
And never abandon my fans.
I shall continue to write songs for my fan club
Accompany my daughter at school everyday
I shall help my son compose his songs
And when the paparazzi chase me I’ll stay cool.
I will not take drugs any more
Or spend my holidays in rehab.
I will not attack nurses
Nor drive if I'm loaded
I shall remember my shooting of films
and I won't shave my hair ( Ugh ! Britney ! )
I'll not release a new album
Nor spend all my money in one night.
I'll not go back in jail ( if I can help it )
I shall forget the phone number of some of my friends
I'll apologize to the press ( even if I don't mean it )
and never spit out on them again.
I shall watch out who takes a photo of me
and what I'm doing at that moment.
I shall help other people ( even if they don't want me to )
and when I go in nightclubs I won't abuse anybody
I will not cast any spell any more.
Or forget to clean Hedwige's cage.
I will not burn Dumbledore's beard
Nor faint in a Quidditch match.
I shall remember that Voldemord wants to kill me.
And that I'm not immortal.
I'll not eat at Poudlard's canteen any more (Ugh! Pumpkin juice again).
Nor go into the forbidden forest in the night.
I will not put my broken glasses on again, (if I can help it).
I shall stop catching the Golden snitch with my mouth.
I will say please and thank you to the potions professor (even if I don't mean it).
And never forget that I have to avenge my parents.
I shall stop breaking my magic wand.
I shall help Doby when he's about to die.
And when Ginny kisses me I'll try to stay cool.
If you've guessed who is speaking, comment under the note entitled "THANKS TO 2°6 STUDENTS"