POEM 1 

    I will not train the French football team again

    Or make interviews about it.

    I will not humiliated myself on TV again

    Nor find some silly excuses to escape my errors.

    I shall remember the next match of the French team to see how they play

    And how they‘re progressing with Laurent Blanc ‘s training.

    I‘ll not accept my extra payment for the World Cup (Ugh ! Dirty money!)

    Nor be hated by the French people once more.

    I will not be cheeky with French supporters ( if I can help it).

    I shall never be abused by Nicolas Anelka again.

    I will become more patient with my players

    And never criticize them even if they lose.

    I shall shake hands with the coach of the South African team

    And become the biggest poker player in the world.

    I shall help young footballers to practice this sport (even if they don’t want me to).

    And when they play badly, I ‘ll stay cool. 

    POEM 2

    I will not take drugs

    Or get too drunk at a party

    I will not drink in front of my kids

    Nor smoke with them near me

    I shall remember when it’s Christmas day

    And give my children loads of presents

    I’ll not eat another Indian meal (ugh! Gives me wind!)

    Nor try getting reductions on clothes and wigs just because I’m famous

    I will not divorce after 2 days of marriage again (if I can help it)

    I shall only kiss men

    I will say sorry to my dad (even when I don’t mean it)

    And never swear at paparazzi’s

    I shall do all my concerts sober

    And help my children at school

    I shall help my family to earn money (even if they don’t want me to)

    And when I go to the hairdressers, I’ll not shave all my hair again. 

    POEM 3 

    I will not sing with a Chipmunk voice again.

    Or sing either

    I will not choose a mole costume to do my clips again

    Nor ask my five- year- old boy to write lyrics.

    I shall remember not to sell a song composed of all the precedent characteristics

    And seriously think about changing the mole’s name.

    I will not be drunk with a microphone and a computer (Ugh, how can I delete this video?)

    I will not do my own choreography (but I can’t help it)

    I shall go back in my burrow and never put a foot outside

    I will say my song was really bad (Even if I don’t mean it)

    And never think about doing another one

    Never put a foot in a music studio

    I shall apologize and give €4.5 to everybody who bought my song

    And when others forget me, never try to start a singer career again.

    POEM 4

    I will not comb my hair as in the sixties

    Or tattoo every part of my body.

    I will not make up my eyes like a panda

    Nor mix alcohol and medicine.

    I shall remember where I am when I get up

    And if I'm in a man's home or the hospital.

    I'll not be late in the recording studio

    Nor cancel concerts because of judicial affairs.

    I will not overdose (if I can help it).

    I shall go to rehab if I need to.

    I will say nice things to the recording studio's technicians from time to time (even if I don't mean it)

    And never hit my husband

    I shall stop collecting them again in jail.

    Oh dear, I don't want to go back to school.

    I shall help unknown rebel singers (even if they don't want me to)

    And when my head is spinning, I'll just eat.

    POEM 5 

    I will not wear my horrible hats anymore

    Or wear only black and whites clothes

    I will not criticize the first French channel

    Nor sing when I’m in public

    I shall remember all the names of the new people I meet

    And be smiling, nice and polite all the time

    I’ll not be rude with the Miss (Ugh! Bad Girl!)

    Nor be impatient with them.

    I will not eat too much cake (if I can help it)

    I shall be careful of my weight this year!

    I will sign autographs to my fans more often (even when I don’t mean it)

    And never refuse to take photos with them.

    I shall give more money to charitable foundations.

    If I want my grandchildren to graduate at school,

    I shall help them in their homework (even if they don’t want me to)

    And when I meet difficulties in my life I will never give up. 

    POEM 6

    I will not steal a boat

    or anything else.

    I will not be crazy anymore,

    Nor throw someone into the sea.

    I shall remember to shoot Pirates of the Carribean 4

    And be a great character.

    I’ll not say bad things about others (Ugh! those ugly faces),

    Nor do a big mess in a tavern.

    I will not get in trouble anymore (if I can help it).

    I shall stop drinking rum at all times.

    I will be a good pirate (even when I don’t want to),

    And never escape from jail again.

    I shall found a huge treasure.

    I will not be rude with my crew

    I shall help every pirate (even if they don’t want me to),

    And when the Black Pearl is broken, I’ll try to repair it. 

    POEM 7

    I will not sing in play-back during this new year

    Or have only young girls like fans

    I will not sing with a girl's voice anymore.

    Nor think that I'm an intelligent person

    I shall learn my geography lessons

    And stop thinking that I'm the most beautiful boy on earth

    I'll not believe that I'm a superstar ! (Ugh ! I forgot Usher!)

    Nor dress myself like a bad boy

    I'll not put a cap on my head everyday

    I shall remember when I was a simple boy in my highschool

    I will say to my fans that I love them (Even if I don't mean it)

    And never take narcotics or drugs as my elder did before

    I shall help Eminem and Lenny Kravitz sing (even if they don't want me to)

    And when girls tell me that they love me I'll say nothing because I'll stay single all my life long ... 

    POEM 8

    I will not live in a cold country any more

    Or be present at school before the Christmas holiday

    I will not clean my reindeer (Ugh! That smell!)

    Nor wear the same red clothes all the time

    I shall remember the days when I used to work at night

    And have many suits in different colours

    I'll not pass by the fireplace but through the door

    Nor let my beard grow

    I will not travel on a sleigh because

    I shall buy a car

    I will be a good person again this year so if I can help you to be a good person I will

    And never use my sleigh again (even if I'd be tempted to)

    I shall take time to help my wonderful imps

    I shall help all the children of the world

    And when I come back in my house, I'll not stay sitting on my sofa

    I will say «How cute!» when I see a little girl or boy (even when I don't mean it) 

    POEM 9 

    I will not wear a meat dress anymore

    Or put cans as hair curlers in my hairs

    I will not put my highest heels when I’m drunk

    Nor sing if I didn’t sleep enough

    I shall remember the date of my concerts

    And apologize to my fans if I miss one

    I’ll not take drugs anymore

    Nor smoke cigarettes again

    I will not start a new diet (Ugh ! awesome brocolis !)

    I shall give more money to protect animals

    I will give autographs to each person who asks me

    And never show my face without make-up to paparazzis

    I shall stop telling lies in my interviews (If I can help it)

    Do the best to be awake on stage

    I shall help volunteers give food to the Poor (even if they don’t want me to)

    And when I receive abuse letters, I’ll stay cool and forget it 


    POEM 10

     I’ll not wear an armband with a swastika on again

    Or a Nazi uniform

    I’ll not spend all I have on parties

    Nor on buying drinks

    I shall remember my brother’s wedding with Kate

    And won’t be drunk that day

    I’ll not criticize English food (Ugh! marmite)

    I will not drop Lesotho (if I can help it).

    I shall stop creating controversies

    I will not pronounce racial slurs (if I can help it)

    And never forget my mother

    I shall stop messing up with Chealsey

    I’ll be a serious prince - not like at school

    I shall help the poor and the sick in poor countries (even if they don’t want me to)

    And when I’m jealous of my brother, I’ll stay cool. 

    POEM 11

    I will not eat that many donuts,

    Or drink a lot of beer any more.

    I will not watch stupid programs on TV,

    Nor stay a long time on the couch, as usual.

    I shall remember my spider pig’s lunch,

    And that of my children too.

    I’ll not fart in bed (“Ugh!” Poor Marge)

    Nor belch in her face.

    I will not let my body dirty during long months if I can help it,

    I shall take at least one shower per week.

    I will be polite and kind (even when I don’t mean it),

    And never say bad words anymore.

    I shall treat my son better,

    Drive him more often, if necessary, to school.

    I shall help my children do their homework (even if they don’t want me to).

    And when I want to say something, I’ll think before to talk.


    POEM 12

    I will not throw Oddie out the window one more

    Or catch his tail when Jon leaves

    I will not eat more than twenty pizzas at a go

    Nor get up after 2 o'clock in the afternoon

    I shall remember Jon's birthday

    And won't watch TV all the day

    I'll not eat Oddie's food (Ugh)

    Nor be rude to Jon when my breakfast isn't ready

    I will not watch TV after ten o'clock (if I can't help it)

    I shall tidy up my bedroom at least once a year

    I will be polite with the vet (even when I don't mean it)

    And never scratch him again

    I shall be kind with Nermall the cat

    Try to watch more intelligent broadcasts to learn a lot of things like at school

    I shall help Vito to make his pizzas (even if he doesn't want to)

    And when Jon cooks lasagna I'll help him...taste !!! 

           POEM 13 

    I will not play childish games with Patrick

    Or chase jellyfish anymore

    I will not go out of the sea

    Nor argue with Carlos when we have to work

    I shall remember to feed my snail

    And give Patrick his birthday present

    I’ll not do bad crab burgers (“Ugh!” poor costumers)

    Nor get too depressed when my spatula is broken

    I will not be cheeky with my neighbour (if I can help it)

    I shall write to my parents once a month

    I will clean my giant pineapple

    and never lose versus Sandy at karate

    I shall stop Plankton when he tries to have the crab burgers recipe

    Try to learn how to drive well to school

    I shall help my buddies to do the housework (even if they don’t want me to)

    And when Carlos plays music, I’ll stay calm

      POEM 14 

    I will not change of women as of shirts

    Or divorce again

    I will not wear Optic 2000 glasses this year

    Not light the fire everywhere I go

    I shall remember that I’ve been operated on because my back hurts

    And so I’ll devote all my attention to my backache

    I’ll not moan at my darling’s cooking (Ugh ! Caviar again)

    Nor leave her looking after children.

    I’ll not buy more new cars, motorbikes and even houses (If I can help it)

    I shall enjoy myself after my long career,

    I will visit my relatives (even if they don’t want me to), and think of the childhood I lived at my aunt’s,

    And never abandon my fans.

    I shall continue to write songs for my fan club

    Accompany my daughter at school everyday

    I shall help my son compose his songs

    And when the paparazzi chase me I’ll stay cool.

     POEM 15

    I will not take drugs any more

    Or spend my holidays in rehab.

    I will not attack nurses

    Nor drive if I'm loaded

    I shall remember my shooting of films

    and I won't shave my hair ( Ugh ! Britney ! )

    I'll not release a new album

    Nor spend all my money in one night.

    I'll not go back in jail ( if I can help it )

    I shall forget the phone number of some of my friends

    I'll apologize to the press ( even if I don't mean it )

    and never spit out on them again.

    I shall watch out who takes a photo of me

    and what I'm doing at that moment.

    I shall help other people ( even if they don't want me to )

    and when I go in nightclubs I won't abuse anybody

     POEM 16

    I will not cast any spell any more.

    Or forget to clean Hedwige's cage.

    I will not burn Dumbledore's beard

    Nor faint in a Quidditch match.

    I shall remember that Voldemord wants to kill me.

    And that I'm not immortal.

    I'll not eat at Poudlard's canteen any more (Ugh! Pumpkin juice again).

    Nor go into the forbidden forest in the night.

    I will not put my broken glasses on again, (if I can help it).

    I shall stop catching the Golden snitch with my mouth.

    I will say please and thank you to the potions professor (even if I don't mean it).

    And never forget that I have to avenge my parents.

    I shall stop breaking my magic wand.

    I shall help Doby when he's about to die.

    And when Ginny kisses me I'll try to stay cool.

    If you've guessed who is speaking, comment under the note entitled "THANKS TO 2°6 STUDENTS"